K1

Do you have abnormally high levels of testosterone?

Eww. What’s that like for you?

Also, I bet racing is a thing you enjoy.

At K1, you can race your friends in tiny cars (It’s like living in Italy, but with less pasta).

Bring your own helmet, or you get to wear this.

The lowest pack of races you can get is $40. You go around the track a lot of times and then find out which one of you is the slowest. Then, you go around the track a lot of times again, but this time there’s a winner. Hurray!

My only experience with tiny cars is from that of the ‘bumper’ variety. So, it makes no sense to me why bumping is not allowed at K1. There certainly are sufficient bumpers on them… But man do those guys get all annoyed when you try to ram your step dad off the track. They hold up their little sign, all arrogant, “NO BUMPING.” Jerks.

Look at that step dad... he's asking for it.

The cars themselves are a little confusing because of the addition of brake pedal. It’s hard to operate the brakes with my left foot and the gas with my right. I felt like Walter Jr., only less handsome. How the heck does he do it?

The scenery is super repetitive.

One cannot order a beer in the facility, apparently it’s against the law to drink and drive tiny vehicles with giant bumpers on a monitored track. How do they think we get ourselves to and from bars?

At the end of the race, the winners are presented with medals, given supermodel brides, and invited to meet the president. I hate the winners so much.

"Here's to manliness!"

Trampoline World

“You know, if we lived on a bigger planet and then visited Earth, it would feel like Trampoline World everywhere. PERSPECTIVE.”

Phones are not allowed = no personal pics.

So, some guy was like, “Ugh, if only I could throw my stupid kid on our family trampoline and he wouldn’t just roll off the other side… My wife and I would fight way less.” And that is the totally factually accurate way that Sky High (which I will henceforth refer to as Trampoline World because I like it better) came into existence.

It’s basically a big warehouse, sectioned off into different zones of trampoline-ing. There is the children’s area (not gonna lie, there were some creepers milling about), the bounce, bounce, land in pit of soft foam cubes (and never ever escape) runway, the dodge ball + trampolines = even more dangerous arena, and the general room full of trampolines.

Before entering the fun zone, one must sign a liability form. They insist you do NOT try tricks that are past your skill level (but then how will I learn?!). And, since my skill level is -3, I mostly ran back and forth in the big, generic trampoline room and pretended I was stuck on fast-forward.

Oh, and you may bounce barefoot or in shoes. BUT YOU MAY NOT BOUNCE IN SOCKS! FOR THE LOVE OF JESUS DO NOT BOUNCE IN SOCKS. SOMETHING TERRIBLE AND UNFORSEEN WILL HAPPEN. THINGS WILL NOT END WELL FOR ALL INVOLVED.

Employees, I presume.

One pays for an hour ($10) of access into the warehouse at a time. What? Only an hour? Oh, trust me, Little One, an hour is plenty of time to collect an injury and ashamedly pretend you’re not crying while every member of the staff of teenagers (“Happy 20^th birthday Brittany! Here’s your cake, now pack up your locker for you are no longer welcome here.”) shuffle by and offer to bring you ice (it’s such an automatic response for the employees, that I imagine before every shift the manager forces them into roll play exercises where the correct thing to do is ALWAYS offer ice. “Okay, Kimme, you’re turn. Ouch I stubbed my toe.” “Let me get you some ice.” “GREAT JOB, Kimme! Now, Tyler, you’re turn. Oh, no! My dignity is bruised.” “Can I get you some ice?” “Oh, so close, Tyler. Remember not ask if they need ice, assume they need ice. ICE! ICE! ICE! Ice…”).

You will get hurt. There’s no “maybe” about it. If you visit Trampoline World you will become injured somehow. Whether it be from rolling an ankle (Nikki), throwing your arm out playing dodge ball (Kc), being sore the next few weeks (James (I’m assuming)), or good ol’ trampoline-burn (yours truly), pain will find you and claim you for his own.

Hey, but bouncing is way cool.

Jolly Holiday Bakery Cafe

"Oh, it's a jolly holiday with Mary
No wonder that it's Mary that we love!
Now then what'd be nice
We'll start with raspberry ice
And then some cakes and tea
Order what you will
There'll be no bill
It's complimentary"

"May I take your coat?"

That’s right, Disney drew inspiration from a tiny part of a movie made almost 50 years ago to create a brand new themed restaurant: the Jolly Holiday Bakery Café! Is it a bakery? Yes. Is it a café? Yes. Is it complimentary? No. WHAT?! Liars!

This place is practically perfect in every way. It fits right into Main Street. It’s hard to imagine that it hasn’t been there since Marry Poppins was the latest and greatest thing to come out of their production company. This bakery/café is the restaurant we never knew Disneyland was missing.

Designed by my friend’s mother (yeah, I know people), the Mary Poppins inspired restaurant is simple, adorable, and full of great details that subtly contribute to the ambiance. PENGUIN. STAINED. GLASS.

It looks just like the REAL fake Matterhorn!

It’s another stand-in-line-then-order-then-take food-with-you-to-table-style establishments. But, while one stands in line, one can look at the glistening case full of special sweets that are only available here. Matterhorn Macaroon? Yeah, okay!

It’s a basic café menu: Soups, Salads, & Sandwiches. But, new to Disneyland is this restaurant's seasonal menu. Some of the items will be year round, but others will rotate through.

Unfortunately, it is still theme park food. But, with a spoon full of sugar…

According to my sources, this is a coincidence.

Wine Robots

"Welcome, Friend."

Do you wish you had a robot butler, but one that WOULDN’T try to kill you all the time? I know, right? Mine, too!

I found 'em! There is a wine store in Orange, off of Tustin Ave, called the Wine Exchange. You know who lives there? ROBOT BUTLERS!!!

The sign is a lie.

Before you slam your computer closed (If you’re on a laptop. Don’t do that with a PC. Bad things will happen.) and jump into your car, I should clarify. They don’t so much as do things for you… as much as give you samples of wine. I mean, my robot butler’s only job is to bring me wine (it’s a lot of wine), but some people (confederates) expect more from their animatronic servants.

Anyway, you go into this store (which is basically what it would look like if your parents opened a bev-mo and decided shelves are too expensive) and ask the clerk for a card for the wine robots. You give the guy some money and he gives you a plastic card. Then, you go into the back of the store. There, you’ll find them. They’re all lined up and they have wine bottles in their tummies. You feed one the card, push a button, then he regurgitates 1, 2, or 4oz of the wine in his belly. IT’S SO COOL! 

The wine gets switched around almost daily and they have special themed wine tasting nights from time to time. But, they usually have a human do those (for now).

Care for some bread sticks?

In Germany, wine is produce.

Twilight Midnight Screening

Umm... This isn't me.

No. Eww. No. I am NOT a Twi-hard. Gross. I HAVE a life.

I just find Edward sexy. Okay? That's it. OKAY? I'm not into the story. I just like to look at the pretty men.

So, now that you know that... The Midnight screening for Twilight: Breaking Dawn: Part 1 is coming up.

November 17th/18th midnight. I will be at Irvine Spectrum. No, not alone. I will be with several others. No, they're not all girls. No, they're not all single. Wow, you are really judgmental.

Having read the books, I can tell you that this one is pretty juicy. Yes, I read the books. No, only twice. But you don't need to read the books to know what's going to happen in this one. It's ALL in the trailer. Seriously. This is the most revealing trailer I have ever seen:

Anyway, I'm not dressing up. And, it's because I don't care very much, not because there are no iconic costumes in the series. 

I may have put a shirt on my dog that said, "Team Jacob" at the last Twilight midnight screening, but that was HER choice. SHE is a NERD.

Improv Cup 2011

Some of you may remember that I entered the Improv Cup last year. It was way fun and all done for a charity.

This year I entered again. Did you see that coming? I did. Only, this time, I have a partner. A GREAT partner. The GREATEST partner. We will likely win. Why? Because I can see the future. And, in the future, there is a 70% chance that myself and my partner will win the 2011 Improv Cup. Notice, I chose the word 'likely' and not 'absolutely'. I believe these are the rules weather forecasters play by. I know what you are thinking, "but you are not a weather forecaster." This is true, but I strive to be as upstanding as those fine human examples of morality. Also, now would be the time to tell you that in addition to seeing the future, I know what you're thinking, as previously demonstrated.

Your next question, "Blaire. Who have you partnered with?" For that, my sweets, you will have to wait. My mystery partner is... a mystery. For now, you may guess. I will guess, too. But all of my guesses will be correct. Because... I can see the future.

I will give you a hint. 

This...

Is not him.

The OC Improv Cup

Stages Theater in Fullerton

November 11th and 12th

I Own A Business!

If you've been wondering where I've been, well, first of all, thanks for caring about my web personality that much. That's sort of sweet. Aww. I'm glad you care.

If you haven't been curious about me... TOO BAD.

You're about to find out where I've been.

I launched my own business!!! Hurray! I am now the BEST personal documentary service in the world.

That's right, I make personal documentaries. They're fantastic and I LOVE doing it. People have such wonderful stories. I love it.

So, it's called Emblem Documentaries.

Visit Emblem on the internet (she gets lonely) www.EmblemDocumentaries.com

And, if you'd like to have a documentary made by ME, BLAIRE 'the beautiful' BYHOWER, then mention you read Geeky OC to me when booking and you'll get the friends and family rate (through 2011 (that's as far in advance as I can plan right now. Who knows what kind of adventure I'll be on in 2012. Maybe mustang breeding in the Alps, maybe train-hopping through the South, maybe (hopefully) raising my prices.))

I love you (like a brother (a step brother (that I see very seldom-ly (you know, like on holidays (every other year))))).